


Monsters Running Wild Inside of Me

by LLReid



Series: Reunited [7]
Category: Bloodbound (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark MC, F/F, Heavy Angst, Magic, Multi, Other, Psychic Abilities, Vampires, wlw, “You can rest now”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23372881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLReid/pseuds/LLReid
Summary: Fic inspired by Sara Farell’s cover of ‘Faded’.Can Kamilah save the woman she loves?~~~~~“She knew it was suicide,” Gaius said at last, the amusement and stone-cold facade gone.“Yes.”“She never intended to survive this, did she?,” Lily whispered.“No...she didn’t,” Kamilah sighed. “She has willingly given up everything for us. She may have kept some things from you all. She wanted to save lives, yes. But she stepped out there with no intention of saving her own. I have to try to bring her back. I have to.”
Relationships: Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Swann, Kamilah Sayeed/Main Character (Bloodbound)
Series: Reunited [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608706
Kudos: 51





	Monsters Running Wild Inside of Me

“Kamilah, she is not herself,” Serafine said, her grip like a vice around Kamilah’s upper arms as they all watched on in horror as Anastasia was consumed from the inside out by the ancient powers that had belonged to Rheya combining with her own. It had not taken a monster to destroy a monster — but light, light and goodness to drive out darkness. Kamilah refused to let this be the end of Anastasia’s story.

“I—“

“Kamilah,” Lily pleaded.

“There is nothing of her left, mon cherie. We must go—“

“No!,” Kamilah snapped, violently yanking her arms free. “I don’t accept that. I can’t accept that.”

“She will kill you if you try to get close to her,” Gaius hissed. “Don’t let your feelings for her drive you to act so impulsively! You’re being weak! She is as good as dead like this!”

“I don’t recall asking you for your opinion!” Her muscles tensed as she span around to face him. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? For her to die and for me to be left with my worthless life?”

“You collect scars because you want proof that you are actually paying for whatever imagined sins you've committed over the past two thousand years. And I know this because I've been doing the same goddamn thing for closer to three thousand years. Tell me, do you actually think you will go to some blessed Afterworld if she snaps and kills you, or do you expect to continue existing within this burning hell? You're hoping for hell — because how could you face everyone waiting in the Afterworld? Better to suffer at her side, to be damned for eternity than to—“

“I am the only one who can maybe stop this madness and bring her back!,” she growled, lunging at him with her daggers drawn. “If you think for one moment that I am about to flee or allow her to be consumed by this darkness then you are sorely mistaken!”

“She is lost to you, Kamilah,” Gaius said, making no move to defend himself and genuine sadness in his voice. The wrath he found in Kamilah’s eyes was world-ending.

“She will never be lost to me!“ Kamilah kept her daggers drawn. “I will not abandon her when she needs me most,” she growled. “And I will not listen to you a moment longer. There is one true leader in this room — there always has been. And you just can’t stand the fact that it’s not you.” Gaius stiffened, but Kamilah went on. “Don’t you understand? Rheya was never a goddess... it was always Anastasia, and she has already beaten you once. You’re scared because she will beat you again, and again, because what she represents is what you fear most: hope. You cannot steal it, no matter how many innocents you rip from their homes and families, and enslave. You cannot break it, no matter how many you murder in cold blood. You’re a coward, Gaius.”

“That’s enough,” Adrian whispered. “We have enough enemies as it is! There are worse things out there to face! What exactly do you suggest?”

“She’s gone, Kamilah,” Lily sniffled. “Look at her... that’s not Anastasia. She’d never— It’s not her. She has gone over the edge and there is nothing to pull her back.”

“She knew this would happen,” Kamilah replied, tears stinging at her eyes as she dropped her daggers and picked up the charred oak stake that Jax had used to end his life. “Part of her knew she’d be consumed by her powers and she asked me to kill her if she was about to hurt people, told me that if things got to this point and she was no longer there then I had her blessing to end things. Either I bring her back or I... I kill the beast that has stolen the woman I love. I set her free.”

Silence was not her desired effect, but that was what she got for a few-too-long seconds. “She knew it was suicide,” Gaius said at last, the amusement and stone-cold facade gone. 

“Yes.”

“She never intended to survive this, did she?,” Lily whispered.

“No...she didn’t,” Kamilah sighed. “She has willingly given up everything for us. She may have kept some things from you all. She wanted to save lives, yes. But she stepped out there with no intention of saving her own. I have to try to bring her back. I have to.”

“She can kill you with a flick of her wrist,” Serafine warned. “She is far stronger than Rheya ever was, holding all the powers of the First and of the Bloodkeepers. What you’re seeing now is a primal power that is far more ancient than you, Kamilah... it’s not Anastasia. I knew there was darkness in her, but I had no idea what sort of darkness truly lurked inside her, or what sort of monster she was willing to become in order to make things right.”

“She’s still in there,” Kamilah said, desperately, trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince everyone else. “I’m the only one who stands a chance of getting close enough to end this... but if— if she kills me, then you run. Don’t try to stop her. My death will buy you enough time to escape. You run, regroup, and plan... and remember she’s far smarter than you. Do I make myself clear?”

“Sister,” Adrian said. “Please—“

“Do I make myself clear?,” she repeated. She looked at them, her gaze intense and leaving no room for negotiations. She looked at the people who meant everything— more than everything, at Adrian, Lily, and Serafine. And she glared at Gaius. Then she smiled with every last shred of courage, of desperation, of hope for the glimmer of that glorious future she knew Anastasia had won them. “Sometimes there won’t be a right choice, just the best of several bad options. This is it. Our only real option. Do as I say.”

“For all of our sakes, I hope you’re right about this,” Adrian said. “If you can’t bring her back... we don’t stand a chance.”

Everyone nodded, and that was all she needed to see before she turned around and began slowly walking across the ash covered stage towards Anastasia— or what was left of her. The young woman was stood amongst a ring of blood red flame, her ginger hair floating around her like a satanic halo, her soulless eyes crimson and glowing bright amongst the sea of power that was radiating from her. Across the stage, the decorations from whatever show had been performed lay shattered on the floor, and Anastasia grinned at Kamilah, at her queen as the entire world went to hell.

“Anastasia,” she said.

The younger woman turned to her, covered in blood and ash and snarling like a wild animal. To escape death, she'd become death. Rage and grief had made something within her sweet soul snap, had turned her into... this. The girl had been destined to be the most powerful being the world had ever known, the sap of the Tree of Life and Tree of Death, a god amongst ants. Kamilah refused to believe that this madness had been her destiny all along. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Anastasia was still in there.

Anastasia watched her, her head angled, her lips drawn back into a primal, animalistic snarl. It was the way a cat regards a mouse. She just wondered how long it would take for her to pounce.

“My love,” she whispered, stopping in her tracks. “You have to fight this. This isn’t you—“

“This is me!,” Anastasia barked, venom dripping from her words. “You don’t understand! You can’t understand! No one can!”

Behind her back, her fist tightened around the stake so much that the wood began to splinter, fear constricting her heart. “Then help me to, my darling. Help me to understand.”

Anastasia blinked. “Jax is gone and I couldn’t save him, but I think I can bring him back! I can bring everyone back! I can create a world without loss. I understand now. You don’t need a weapon at all when you were born one. I just need more power, more—“

“No, don’t go there,” she said. “This isn’t you. You’re hurting deep inside and you’re frightened... but there is no reason to fear anymore. It’s all over. You saved us, again... but you have to fight this. You can’t let this power consume you, or you’ll be no better than Rheya.”

Anastasia snarled, shaking the very Earth with the pain bubbling up inside of her. “You don’t understand me at all!”

“I claim you, Anastasia Swann. I don't care what you say and how much you protest. I claim you as my own,” she shot back. “I am here, I am with you.”

Anastasia wailed, sounding more like a wounded wolf than a woman. She was a whirling cloud of ash and death, a queen of shadows and darkness, and if one didn’t know better they would’ve said they were already carrion. “Leave!”

“No! Remember that you have something to fight for, and it will triumph. Fight it, Anastasia!”

“Kamilah! Go!”

“If you are going to die, I am going to die with you. I’m not leaving you!”

“Please go." She let out an uneven breath. "You'll be fine without me. You always have been."

“Maybe once, but not now. How can I help you? Tell me what you need me to do.”

“I already have but you won’t do it!”

“I want to help you!”

"You can't!,” Anastasia yelled.

“Do you want me to beg, is that it?"

"No, never."

"Then tell me—“

"What more can I say?" she exploded, her whisper rough and harsh. "I’ve already told you everything — I’ve already told you that if you stay here, you’ll get hurt.” Anastasia sobbed, again. She was staring up at the ceiling, teeth gritted as she tried and failed calm the storm roaring in her veins that was steadily shredding through what remained of her self-control. “Please just go!”

A sob escaped from the back of Kamilah’s throat. “You didn't tell me this would happen! You didn’t say it would be this bad!”

"How could I? You didn't ask! So how am I to blame?” The Earth began to shake far more violently as Anastasia began to panic and large pieces of plaster fell from the roof onto aisles between the rows of seats filled with mortals trapped in some kind of daze.

“Come back to me,” Kamilah pleaded, taking a step closer to her. “My love, please come back to me. I’ve lost you once... please don’t put me through it again. I’m fighting for you but I need you to fight for me, too... please. I am staying.”

“To what end?!”

“To whatever end.”

Anastasia flinched, something in her gaze softening. Recognition, perhaps. “Kamilah...”

She took another step towards her, offering her free hand whilst still clutching the stake behind her back. “I’m right here. Take my hand.”

“Kill me!,” Anastasia screamed, convulsing with the power. She took a step forward towards Kamilah. One tiny step, as if in a daze or a dream. She let out a shuddering breath, and a small, whimpering noise came out of her — a sob. “Please... Kill me!”

“Look at me!,” she sobbed, forcing herself to take another step towards her, attempting to ignore the fact the Earth was shaking and dust was falling from the ceiling. Her voice was laced with pain — and the hope that Anastasia had given her. This was all she had left to offer her — her outstretched hand, and the promise of hope, of something better waiting on the other side of the dawn. “You are the strongest person I’ve ever known, you can fight this! Fight it! Come back to me!”

“Kamilah,” Anastasia cried, tears of blood streaming down her ashen face. “You promised. You promised you’d end me if it got this bad.”

“I promised I’d end you if you passed the point of no return. You’re still in there.” She took another step towards her, then another, and another, until she was standing only inches from her, separated only by a wall of power. “You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most. That’s why you’re scared to fight this. You’re scared you’ll be remembered as the villain of this story, but you’re the one who saved us. We need you.”

Anastasia whimpered. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

Moving slowly, she reached out to caress her face. Her skin was cold and clammy to the touch, covered in a mixture of sweat, ash, and blood — not all of it hers. She was the heir of ash and flame and life and death, their saviour, who had bowed to nothing and no one. But now... now she was the one who needed saving.

Anastasia leaned into her touch, her eyes still empty and glowing red. Her scent hit her. For a second, she could only breathe it deep into her lungs, her vampire instincts roaring that this was her family, this was her queen, this was her Anastasia. She would have known her even if she were blind. Even if there was another scent entwined with hers. Staggeringly powerful and ancient and — raw godlike power.

“The world,” Kamilah said, “has been saved and will be remade by you, my love.”

“It’s... it’s too much. I’m lost and don’t know the way.”

“Let me show you, please. I’m right here. Talk to me. Please, just talk to me.”

Anastasia sniffled. “I’ve lost myself within myself, if that makes any sense. I’m empty and full all at once, and I can feel the whole earth roiling around me. This power, it’s telling me that I'm not... for once, I'm not destroying, I'm creating. That I can bend this world to my wishes if I surrender to it.”

“You are not a pet, not an animal, not a puppet played by the masters of fate. You are Anastasia Swann and I love you. You are a survivor, you are strong. You won’t be weak or helpless, not ever again. You can’t be broken by this power, it was always meant to be yours to turn to whatever you please... to do good with. You won’t be broken or tamed,” she whispered, resting her brow against hers. And she wondered if love was too weak a word for what she felt, for what she’d done for her. For what what she felt all the way to her bones for her. She’d do anything, be anything, if it only meant saving her. “There are good days and hard days, there always will be — even now you have fulfilled your destiny. Don’t let the hard days win. Don’t let this win... come back to me.”

There had never been any line between them, only Kamilah’s own stupid fear and guilt and pride. Because from the moment she’d locked eyes with her across the conference room at Raines Corp, they’d been walking toward this, walking towards Anastasia’s destiny. So she brushed away her tears, lifted her chin, and she kissed her. Anastasia trembled as Kamilah wrapped her arms around her, dropping the stake and pulling her into the tightest hug that she was capable of giving her. For a few seconds Anastasia just stood there, rigid as a pole but not pushing her away, before she wrapped her arms around her and buried her face in her shoulder.

“You’re safe,” Kamilah soothed. She could feel the powers being drawn from Anastasia’s body beginning to fade, the air around them cooling and becoming easier to breathe. “You’re with me and you’re safe. It’s all going to be alright. You’re safe.”

“I’m... safe,” Anastasia repeated.

“You can rest now, my love.”

“I...”

“You’re free. It’s all over. It’s okay. We’re okay.”

As Anastasia’s knees buckled Kamilah lowered them to the floor, cradling her against her chest as she sobbed hysterically. She was flame, and light, and ash, and embers, and sunshine, and starlight. Peace and war. Kindness and rage. Life and death incarnate. She who bowed only for the godhood that was hers by the blood in her veins, the blood she’d shed, and the triumph of the war that had been promised millennia before she’d even been born. Holding her, the rest of the world quieted into nothing.

Anastasia’s head rested on her shoulder. Her breath was slow and warm and familiar on the sweat-slicked skin of her neck as she turned her head, resting his cheek against her long hair. Holding her, her heart beat so quickly and erratically, and she couldn’t slow it, and yet she felt so utterly calm and at peace — as if she could have stayed there in that very moment forever more and not minded one bit, stayed there in Anastasia’s embrace forever and let the world fall apart around them however it may.

“I claim you, too, Kamilah Sayeed,” she whispered.

Sniffling, Kamilah shifted her in her arms so that she could brush her messy hair back from her face. The devilish red eyes had vanished entirely, replaced with the angelic blue orbs that she routinely drowned herself in. Her fingers traced the familiar features of her face, lingering on her jaw. “I missed you,” she whispered. 

“That was so scary but you... brought me back, made me want to live.” Anastasia’s eyes searched her face, and Kamilah knew right away that she was searching for any signs of fear... but she wasn’t frightened at all. “I— Thank you.”

“You made me want to live, too,” she whispered. “Not just exist— live. I felt it was high time I returned the favour.” She offered her a small, exhausted smile. “Whatever you had to do to survive this, whatever you did from spite or rage or grief or to avenge Jax...I don’t give a damn. You’re here, with me — and you’re perfect. You always have been, and you always will be.”

Anastasia huffed and a few tears spilled down her cheeks, but Kamilah wiped them away. She caressed her face in her hand and took a few steadying breaths as exhaustion settled down to her bones. They were both in quite a state, they all were... but they were together, and that was all that mattered.

“I see all of you,” Kamilah whispered. “Everything that you’re are, everything you can be, and everything that you will be. And I promise you that there is not one single part that I do not love with everything I am. You are my salvation, Anastasia.”

“I love you so much.” She nuzzled her face against Kamilah’s, as close to her as it was possible to be. Months and months ago, the ancient vampire had made her promise not to pretend to be anything other than exactly what she was. This girl had crawled through the darkness and blood and despair, saved the world and redeemed her bloodline — and she had survived. This girl wasn’t like wildfire — she was a wildfire. Deadly and uncontrollable. And slightly out of her mind, at the best of times, in all the best of ways. There was nothing more miraculous, nothing more divine.

“To whatever end,” she whispered.

Anastasia’s eyes glistened. “To whatever end.”

A reminder — and a vow, more sacred than any of the meaningless wedding vows mortals uttered on a daily basis. To whatever end, they’d walk the path together, back from the darkness of that day and into the new world that they would build. To face whatever waited for them, together, everyone else be damned.

For so long she had known nothing but night and stars, eternal. She had been a sweet and terrifying darkness, and Anastasia was the glittering lights that only her shadows could make clear. Together, they had washed away everything that had happened before and began the world anew. And at long, long last, Kamilah’s battered heart felt nothing but peace.

\- fin.


End file.
